


Almost

by lannisterslioness



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, F/M, Jyn & Cassian live, Miscarriage, Post-Rogue One, Tumblr Prompt, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2018-09-13 02:10:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9101698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lannisterslioness/pseuds/lannisterslioness
Summary: They managed to escape with their lives, by some miracle of the Force, and Cassian has promised to never leave Jyn's side, resulting in the two settling down together on Lahmu. But just as things are starting to settle between them, Cassian receives news of the second Death Star, and their peaceful life on the farm is completely destroyed.





	1. We Tried

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I've been dying to write more Rebelcaptain for a while now, I've gotten two tiny drabbles but I really wanted to sink my teeth into a longer fic, and thanks to @cptincassian on tumblr with her lovely prompt, I've finally gotten what I've wished for! I also wanna thank @18tpaz for listening to all of my crazy ideas, not only for this fic but all the others in the past as well. But this lovely chapter would not be possible (nor all the furture chapters) without Athelise (@athelise), who beta read this chapter and will be beta reading all the chapters to come, making sense out of my nonsense. Thank you lovelies for all you've done, and also thank you to all of you out there reading, you'll never know how much it means to me that people actually like reading my stuff. <3

    There wasn’t much to remember from that terrible day, the day that Jyn knew she should have died, but by some miracle from the Force she didn’t, and neither did Cassian. They found a ship just outside the tower as the blast from the Death Star shook the entire ground and the blast was as bright as the sun. The great wave of destruction followed right on their tails just as the blast on Jedha had been. They had made it - barely - Cassian in the worse shape between the two of them, needing to be submerged in a bacta tank for almost a week before he was stable enough to be out and operated on. It was another week before he was let out under someone’s watch, and Jyn volunteered to do so. 

 

She didn’t know when exactly they decided to leave the Rebellion together; she didn’t think Cassian would ever leave, honestly, but she plead with him to leave with her, to get far as away from all of this death and destruction as possible. For some reason he followed - for all intents and purposes keeping to his word of never leaving her side, something he whispered to her when he first woke from surgery. 

 

The two were honorably discharged for their bravery on Scarif, and their friends who lost their lives that day were honored, even Kaytoo. They fought their fights, they had given the Rebellion hope and the power to destroy the Death Star. Its remnants were scattered across the galaxy by the time she and Cassian left, so Jyn figured its demise also contributed to Cassian agreeing to leave with her. There was enough hope without them.

 

    They didn’t know where to go after the Rebellion, all they knew was they were going to stick together, and somehow they had ended up back on Lahmu where Jyn and her family had lived in hiding from the Empire so many years ago. 

 

Eventually they had found a place to settle, a little home in the countryside that was all too familiar to Jyn, and it’s state of disrepair gave them something to do in their free time other than farming. And so they built a home together. 

 

But Jyn always had a lingering feeling in the back of her mind that this was all  _ too _ good, that Cassian being at her side was too good, that him admitting his feelings and that she was  _ happy _ for them was too good to be true. So Jyn kept things at a distance within herself and him (she was never very good at romance and happiness anyway).

 

Cassian was a close friend in the day and a warm body above her at night - it worked for the most part, though Jyn didn’t quite understand why he stayed with her when he deserved so much more than what she gave him. 

 

But he stayed, never making a hint about leaving, although Jyn knew that he was too good for someone like her as she washed the blood off her hands one morning from a loss that Cassian would never know, and could never know, a pain she would carry alone. She wasn’t sure about the idea of being a mother anyway, and she kept that to herself, too. 

 

Yet this morning the Force had made that choice for her, and all she wanted to was be as far away from Cassian as possible right now, she didn’t want his sad and questioning eyes on her, asking her why she was so upset. She didn’t want him worrying over  _ her _ of all people.  So she did her best to creep out of the bathroom and leave the house without disturbing Cassian, still fast asleep, back in their bedroom. 

 

Jyn still remembered Lahmu, she remembered the best places to go and hide or just walk for a while to forget about everything. As soon as she made it out the door she headed for the beach, she remembered playing in it’s mud as a child and letting the water creep up her feet while her toes were buried in the dirt; she also remembered coming home and her father smiling indulgently at the sight of her while her mother hurried her to the ‘fresher to wash the filth from her. 

 

When she reached her destination, Jyn plopped down onto the ground in the mud, the wet substance between her fingers inspiring a slight grin despite what she processed in her thoughts. 

 

_ It _ had only been seven weeks, it wasn’t much of a thing in so short a time either way, but her heart still ached in a way she thought only a mother's heart could, or an  _ almost _ mother at least. 

 

_ It _ could have given her courage to say what she had so long thought of since she first laid eyes on Cassian.  _ It _ could have brought them together finally and truly, _ it _ could have made things...happy...instead of causing these silent tears to fall while the cool breeze off the ocean blew against her cheeks. 

 

    She didn’t know quite how long she had been out there, clasping onto the kyber crystal her mother had given her ages ago, when she heard Cassian’s voice cut through the rolling waves of Lahmu. It made her heart race in that sweet way, but it only made the pain she was trying to conceal that much worse. 

 

    “Jyn!” He called, his voice panicked, (though it was always filled with worry whenever it came to her, she caused him so much grief). Yet he felt something almost like love for her, a mystery she was sure she would never solve in a million lifetimes. 

 

    Jyn rose from her place in the muddy dirt, trying to brush as much of it off as she could before starting to make the trek back home. 

 

    “I’m here!” She called back, there wasn’t any need for him to worry more just because she didn’t answer him right away. 

 

    The beach wasn’t far from home, still in sight of the beach sitting atop its hill, and Jyn could see a figure in the distance at the edge of their home - Cassian - waiting for her to return to him. Jyn figured it was both a habit of being a part of the Rebellion for so long, and from that she took so many risks during their missions together. 

 

Cassian was impatient, always had been in the months Jyn knew him, though it was funny to think they had only known each other for months instead of the years it now felt like. He managed to meet her halfway back to the house, wrapping his arms around her and letting out a little sigh of relief, something he must not have known himself that he was holding in. Jyn felt the stubble from his beard brush against her forehead as he placed a light kiss there before pulling apart, putting the distance between them that she knew he didn’t want, but knew Jyn preferred. 

 

    “Are you okay?” Cassian asked right away, falling into step beside Jyn now as they continued their walk back home. 

 

    “Yeah, I just had to get some air this morning.” Jyn lied, although it wasn’t entirely untrue. She’d always been good at lying, but it didn’t make it any less painful to lie to Cassian. Her partner, her friend, her lover. “Bad dream.” 

 

    “You could have woken me up.” Cassian tossed the idea out with a mumble. 

 

    “I know, but you were fast asleep, that’s about as rare as me actually getting sleep.” She sighed, looking down at her dirt covered hands, fiddling with the bracelet that Cassian had given her not that long ago - something simple but something to remember him with. 

 

    “I don’t think I’ll be getting much sleep for a while anyway.” Cassian groaned, his features grim and perhaps a bit more sullen than usual, his eyes brimming with tears. 

 

    “...Are you alright?” Jyn questioned hesitantly. 

 

    When he looked at her, there was a flash of horrible pain in his eyes that he quickly tried to hide and look away from her again. 

 

     “It’s, uh…” He sighed. “I’ll show you at the house.” 

  
  


* * *

  
  


    There was a rebel transmission interceptor on the table. They’d been here for months and Jyn had never seen it before, never seen Cassian bring it into the house. Where had he hidden it all this time? 

 

There was another thing that worried her however: the sheets were stripped off the bed and lying in a pile in the hallway. Cassian never stripped the sheets so early in the morning and Jyn couldn’t help but wonder if it had to do with what happened to her. It very likely did, and it made her stomach drop. But Cassian seemed focused on the interceptor for the moment, and Jyn was relieved for the time. 

 

    “Where did you get that?” Jyn couldn’t help but ask. 

 

    “I’ve had it for a while.” Cassian admitted quietly, his eyes still averting hers, though she didn’t know if it was to avoid the anger in her gaze from being lied to, or if it was because he was angry at her for her own secret. 

 

    “And you’ve been listening to it, then.” It was pointless to ask why he had it. She knew why: the Rebellion was still a part of him, despite their vow to keep their distance. 

 

    “I have.” He stated, unwaveringly. 

 

    “I’m guessing you found something worth listening to.” Jyn huffed. She was angry for concealing such a thing from her, but the awareness of her hypocrisy did little to dampen her anger. They had never discussed children. But they had agreed on the Rebellion, and he was breaking his word.

 

    Cassian glanced over at her for a moment before looking away again, her body language must have told him everything. She was rigid; her arms pulled in and folded to her chest, her jaw was clenched and there was a slight furrow in her brow. 

 

But Jyn could read Cassian’s own stiff posture as well, the way his fingers moved robotically over the interceptor to get the playback, his jaw clenched possibly tighter than hers. Cassian was a master of the silent anger, and he only exploded after Jyn would lash out. Otherwise he would grind his teeth and keep it to himself, only muttering under his breath in a language Jyn still didn’t understand. 

 

    The playback was short and barely understandable at best, the voices corrupted by static and unpleasant feedback, but there were three words that Jyn could hear perfectly clear throughout the whole transmission:  _ another Death Star _ . 

 

    Jyn felt her stomach turn and she felt a bit lightheaded in that moment, taking a seat at their breakfast bar before she could fall. Another Death Star, how was it possible? Such a short span of time, how could they build another one so quickly? More than likely without the same flaws that her father had built into it. 

 

She needed to breathe, but it felt impossible with the panic setting in, the very thing her friends, her father, had fought and died for defeating, one that Jyn and Cassian had almost given their own lives for, was returned. Cassian reached over and gently rested one of his hands on her shoulder, grasping onto her tightly to let her know he was there, but for once Jyn wanted him to hold her. When she looked up at him and he saw the tears brimming in her eyes, he circumvented the bar and wrapped his arms around her. In that warm pressure, Jyn was finally able to take some shaky breaths to calm herself. 

 

    “They made another one.” She said, her voice barely a whisper and cracking as the tears started to release. “They can’t have made another one.” 

 

    “They did.” Cassian confirmed for her, he was never one to talk around things. “We have to go back.” 

 

    Those words pierced through her sadness and brought back her anger.  _ Go back? _

 

    “No.” Jyn harshly stated, pushing herself away from him and wiping the tears from her eyes. “We’re not going back.” 

 

    “Jyn-” 

 

    “No!” She shouted this time. “We almost died for the last one to be destroyed, we  _ should _ have died if it hadn’t been for that ship! Our friends are gave up their lives for a chance, even Kaytoo! We left to be able to have a life, a normal life, one that neither of us ever got to have, and now you want to go back!” 

 

    Cassian didn’t reply to that, he just looked at her and Jyn just knew what he was thinking. 

 

    “You’re going back.” Jyn began with a whisper. “You’re going back!” A stray tear fell as Jyn pushed him even further away, not wanting to be close to him in any sense at the moment. “You’re kriffing going back to the place that almost killed us!” 

 

    “I have to!” Cassian shouted back now. “I can’t just stand here and do nothing!” 

 

    “Living isn’t nothing!” Jyn hissed. 

 

    “I heard it last night, I wasn’t going to go.” Cassian tried to calmly state now, but Jyn could still see the anger in his dark brown eyes. 

 

    “What changed your mind then?” Jyn felt hurt, like a gash had been slice across her heart, something changed his mind and she had a feeling she knew what it was. 

 

    “I saw this a few weeks ago.” He pulled out the test she’d taken when she first suspected almost two months ago now, the blood test that read she was pregnant. “You didn’t even tell me, and then that.” He gestured towards the pile of sheets - he knew, of course he knew, Cassian always had a way of finding things out. 

 

    She felt cold. “Don’t.” Jyn stated. “I know you. You would have gone anyway at some point, you wouldn’t sleep at night, or bring a child into this world with another Death Star out there. And do you know something? I’m glad the Force decided not to bring a life into this mess! Between the Death Star and what we are...maybe the Force did something good for us for once!” 

 

    She knew that did it, that she drove the final nail into their argument that cut him just as deep as it had cut her to say it. 

 

    “Just go.” Her voice cracking at the end while she turned on her heels as quickly as she could, locking herself in the ‘fresher and stipping to get in the shower as quickly as she could so the water would hide her tears. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


    Jyn didn’t know how long she was in the ‘fresher, at some point she’d just decided to sit on the cold tiled floor and let the water wash over her, her knees pulled to her chest while she let all her tears out. She hadn’t meant what she’d said about their unborn child that would never be. Her initial reaction had been relief, but now the sadness settled in. How could she ever be happy over another death, especially of something as innocent as an unborn baby? Surely he knew her better than that. But she knew it would hurt him, and it hurt her as well. But she was trying her best to push him away, to let him go fight in his war and become a ghost just like everyone else in her life. 

 

She was better off on her own. There was nothing left to lose. All she needed now was a sharp stick and Saw Gerrera would have been proud.

 

    A knock on the door finally came, tearing Jyn from her thoughts as she tried to listen through the rushing water. 

 

    “Jyn, please, I want to talk.” Cassian plead from the other side. He wasn’t angry, at least not anymore, she couldn’t quite identify the tone in his voice, which usually meant he’d had a drink or two. She couldn’t blame him for getting into drink after that fight that had cut so deep. 

 

    “Go away.” Jyn croaked out, her voice hoarse from crying. 

 

    “Jyn, please.” Cassian replied again. He knew the code to get in of course, but he respected her wishes, and perhaps that's what made Jyn finally relent. 

 

    “Okay.” Jyn finally said, listening to Cassian enter the code and the doors hiss open, letting in a flood of cold air before they closed behind him, causing Jyn to shiver under the now lukewarm water. 

 

    Cassian opened the door to her shower and sat down in front of her, the water now starting to hit him though he didn’t seem to care. 

 

    “I’m sorry.” He spoke first, the redness in his eyes telling Jyn he’d shed some tears of his own after their fight, and the alcohol on his breath only confirmed that he’d had a drink or two to calm himself, but his words were sincere as always. 

 

    “I’m sorry too.” Jyn mumbled. “I didn’t mean it...what I said about the baby.” 

 

    “I know.” Was all he replied with, reaching out to take one of her hands and squeezed it tightly. 

 

    “Are you still going to go?” She asked hesitantly. 

 

    “Let’s talk about that tomorrow, I promised you when we left that we would stick together. I was angry, but I’m not going to do anything without you.” Cassian promised her. “But your fingers are getting pruny, you should probably get out of there.” He offered up a small smirk that Jyn returned. 

 

    “Yeah, I suppose I should.” She mumbled. 

 

    Cassian got up and grabbed one of the towels from the closet, holding it up for her modesty. She climbed to her feet and shut off the water, and let Cassian wrap the towel around her body. They just stood there for a minute, eyes locked and bodies close in the small room, his hands on her toweled waist. 

 

Jyn rose to her tiptoes and kissed him deeply, wrapping her arms around his neck. Sometimes sex between them was just a release, like whenever they’d had a big fight - more of a frenzied and rushed effort. Other times they had their slow nights or lazy mornings together that burned with a steady flame. 

 

For a moment Jyn thought that was where this day would end, them starting off here in the ‘fresher and ending up tangled together covered in layers of sweat, and a part of her wanted that. 

 

    But Cassian pulled away, his hands on her waist now holding her down, although he still held her close. She knew it wasn’t from lack of desire; she could tell from the hardness pressing up against her body that he was very much ready to take her to bed, but he stopped nonetheless. He must have noticed the questioning in her eyes, knowing that this was how they always made up. Sometimes it was just to lick their own wounds, but it was what Jyn was used to. 

 

    “I’ll go make us something to eat, it’s lunchtime.” He mumbled, stealing a quick kiss from her. “I brought you some new clothes so you don’t have to put those muddy ones back on.” He added before letting go of her and exiting the ‘fresher. 

  
    Jyn knew now that this argument wasn’t something to be screwed away like their usual petty arguments. It was something that would last, and while they weren’t going to go anywhere without the other, this was an argument that truly meant something, a real impasse between them, and Jyn didn’t know how they were going to mend it. 


	2. Ghosts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I actually have an idea as to where this fic will go now, it won't be long really, I've decided on five chapters (espeically since I have two other Rebelcaptain prompts that will probably be longer as well as all my Damerey ones I still need to finish!). Hopefully you guys like this chapter, as a fair warning to everyone this chapter does have smut in it! Also, thanks again to the lovely Athelise for editing this chapter, I wrote must of this in a blur and she managed to take my word vomit and turn it into something wonderful! :3 I hope you guys enjoy it! <3

Cassian awoke the next morning sprawled across their bed, while Jyn still lay fast asleep, curled away from their usual entanglements. Her hair was loose from her bun, half flopped over her face while the other sprawled across her pillow. Cassian liked to awaken early just to see her like this. She looked so peaceful without the usual tension she carried in wakefulness, even when they laughed together or were embraced at night under the sheets. 

 

At least without nightmares, that was. 

 

As soon as Cassian climbed to his feet everything about yesterday rushed back to him - the second Death Star, Jyn’s secret and the loss of what could have been their child, their fight---it was enough to make him want to go back to bed, lose himself in Jyn, and forget. But he couldn’t. He had to face it eventually. 

 

He haphazardly gathered his clothes for a day of work in the fields. Yes, they were mostly tended to by droid, and most of what they grew probably wouldn’t be alive without those mechanical miracles, but working out there kept his hands busy and his mind occupied. It was just about the only distraction he could justify at this point. 

 

Out in the fields two of their three droids were up and running on their duties, while the other one was further afield and hunched over in need of repair. It almost made Cassian smile; droids he could fix. Gardens? Not so much. 

 

He managed to get the droid down into his shop, something that had clearly once belonged to Galen Erso when they had lived here before. The shop had been left untouched. All of Galen’s old tools had been found to still lying about when they arrived, some rusting in the damp, others looking new as could be. While the gardening tools were barely touched, the wear and tear on the screwdrivers and soldering knives made it clear to Cassian that Galen preferred fixing the droids as well.

 

He missed Kaytoo. Sure, most of the time all he ever went on about was the risk of everything, or mouthing off to him, but he missed the company. Kaytoo had been all he had for the longest time, his one true ally, and sometimes Cassian would swear he could hear his former companion, though he knew it was just another ghost inside his head. Sometimes he tried to imagine what Kaytoo would think of living here on Lahmu; he’d probably still calculate risks, just for more mundane things. 

 

“ _ Would you like to know the statistics of you and Jyn starving because of your lack of farming knowledge? It’s high.”  _

 

Cassian could spend hours out in the shop, procrastinating actually fixing the droid or making improvements, but eventually Jyn would seek him out, and while he liked to think it was because she missed his company, some part of him doubted it. He’d come to terms with the possibility that he loved her more than she loved him. Maybe she didn’t even really love him and just stayed because he was all that was left - Cassian had never been great at relationships either way. He’d never even had one before Jyn. A spy’s life left little for genuine connections. He was no stranger to a romp in the sheets: he’d had plenty, some even for the sake of the rebellion.  

 

As he expected, about an hour into his work he heard Jyn’s boots against the ground, quietly making her way to him before resting a hand gently on his shoulder. 

 

“Short circuit again?” Jyn asked quietly.

 

“Yeah.” Cassian replied with a sigh. “I’m going to try a new rewiring instead of just patching it up.” 

 

“...Can we talk?”

 

Cassian didn’t even have to turn around to know she was nervous. He could hear it in her voice. He let out a heavy sigh and put his tools down. He’d been avoiding it, but Jyn was never one for avoiding unresolved fights. Cassian turned around to face her and looked up. It was one of the rare times that he actually got to look up at _ her _ since the stool was so low to the ground. 

 

“Why do you want to go back?” Jyn asked, her voice calm and collected. She was too tired to be angry; she just wanted to understand. 

 

“I have to.” Was all he could think up as a reply. He knew he didn’t, he knew they had been set free, but he couldn’t be idle when there was something out there that he had been a part of for so long. 

 

“You want to.” Jyn corrected him, a deeper sadness creeping into her voice now. “You want to go back for...what? Go be a hero again? Go die out there?” 

 

“No.” Cassian replied, reaching out to hold her by the hips, pulling her close to him. “I’ve...always been part of this fight. I can’t just turn my back on it.” 

 

“I have, too,” she pointed out, “whether I wanted it or not. I’ve run from the Empire, I fought against them with Saw and I fought against them with you. But I’m tired of fighting...aren’t you?” A thousand nights of terror, of pain and of fear were reflected in her eyes, and Cassian knew his were the same.

 

“It’s not that simple for me, Jyn.” Cassian wished he could explain it to her, that he wasn’t trying to get himself killed, he didn’t want to be a hero, he just wanted to finish the fight he’d started. “I just-” 

 

“Be honest with me,” she interrupted. “If I had told you about the baby, would you still have gone?” 

 

It was a loaded question, Cassian knew it as soon as he heard it and he’d dealt with many of them before from so many different people. He knew that no matter how he answered, she would still be upset. 

 

But Jyn deserved his honesty. “Yes.” Cassian answered. “I wouldn’t want my child growing up in a galaxy that was still terrorized by these monsters.” 

 

“Ah.” Jyn murmured. It wasn’t the reply he expected, especially not so calm and collected. 

 

“‘Ah’?” Cassian questioned. 

 

“If you’re going back, then so am I.”  

 

“Jyn-!” 

 

“Unless you have a kriffing good reason why I should stay here, alone and worrying whether you’re alive or dead every second of the day, I’m going with you.” Jyn had made her stand, she wasn’t going to change her mind or waver from her decision - she was going - and she was either going with him, or leave after he’d already left. 

 

There was a long pause between them until Cassian made up his own mind, holding Jyn close and cupping the side of her face. “Ok.” He said, looking her right in the eye so she could see he wasn’t lying or saying it to make her happy. 

 

Seeing this, Jyn gave a brief nod before leaning down and stealing a kiss from his lips. When Jyn pulled away there was a questioning look in her eyes, one that was seeking approval for moving beyond a kiss. Part of him wanted to. He wanted to touch every inch of her soft skin and trace the scars on her hips and up her spine; but he hesitated as he had the day before. 

He wasn’t upset with her, but in the back of his mind he kept thinking of how every time they made love there was a chance of a baby, another life for him to worry about in the middle of the war. He pulled away but kept Jyn close. iI she felt anything from him rejecting her advances, she hid it well as always and tried to cover it up with a small smile. 

 

“Well, whenever you get done out here I made breakfast.” Jyn said, pulling away from him now and turning her back to him to head towards the house. “It’s not burnt, I promise.” 

 

Cassian laughed a bit at that, and if he knew Jyn well enough she was cracking a smile too. Sometimes he wished things could stay this simple between them, but they were destined for anything but simple. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


They’d planned to leave tomorrow sometime in the morning, though it wasn’t entirely set in stone. Jyn had a contact in a nearby town that could get them to a Rebel transport ship. Apparently they didn’t have much of a base after the battle of Hoth. That worried Cassian: for all that he kept his pulse on the Rebellion, they proved elusive to allies as well as enemies.

 

The rest of their day had been spent packing only what they’d absolutely need and programming the droids to continue tending to the farm while they were gone - something optimistic and hopeful for them to come back to. 

 

They spent most of their time in a silent dance around each other, careful not to touch or have prolonged contact at the least. It was mostly Cassian doing the avoiding, however, and it took every fiber of Jyn’s being to do the same, but she possessed a renewed determination now that they were headed off to war - again - and perhaps the Force wouldn’t be with them as it had been on Scarif. 

 

If she was going to die, she wasn’t going to die with the unresolved tension between her and Cassian. Although, she acknowledged, one could argue there was always some kind of tension between her and Cassian, just not the kind she liked. 

 

After dinner when things had gotten particularly quiet between them, the nerves and realization of what they were going to do was beginning to set in on them. Jyn had taken up her turn for doing the dishes tonight. It’d be the last time she’d have to worry about them for a while, she supposed. 

She thought she heard Cassian go back outside one more time, probably to make sure the droids were set and ready to be left to their own devices for a while. She thought he’d be out there for hours to avoid her, but he came back moments later. When he walked into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around her from behind, it was nice to have some contact after he’d avoided her most of the day. He just held her, almost as though he were trying to make the moment last forever. 

 

It was a nice moment, a sweet one, and when Jyn finally finished the dishes and dried off his hands, she covered his rough and calloused hands with her own, leaning back into him just to feel his warmth. 

 

“You’ve been avoiding me.” Jyn stated. She still didn’t understand why. 

 

“I know.” Cassian mumbled, leaning down just enough to press a kiss to the top of her head. 

 

“Are you still angry with me?” She asked, and she had the feeling deep down that was the answer. 

 

“No,” he replied, a tiredness to his voice. His hand gripped just a bit tighter around her stomach, as if he were trying to feel for something that just wasn’t there anymore. Jyn felt her heart break a little. “I’ve just been afraid.” 

 

“Afraid?” Jyn asked, turning around in his grasp and now at full attention, looking up at him and searching his eyes for the answer. “Afraid of what? Me?” 

 

“I guess you could say that.” Cassian smirked down at her. “I don’t think you even know what you do to me sometimes.” It came out more as a whisper than anything as he reached out to tuck a stray piece of her hair behind her air and cradling the side of her face. 

 

“I stress you out, I push you to your limits. I’m quite annoying actually.” Jyn grinned as she got a true smile out of Cassian. He smiled all too rarely, just like her, but Force, when he smiled, it was a beautiful sight. 

 

“You do.” Cassian laughed. “But not all the time. And you are worth the stress.” 

 

She hated when he said sweet things like that. It made her heart beat quicker and her stomach get all fluttery. He looked like he wanted to say something else to her, like he wanted to pour his heart out, judging by the longing look in his eyes, and she wasn’t sure if she was ready to hear it. 

Instead, he just bent down and kissed her, his hand falling from her face and back to her hips, his hands quickly finding their way under her shirt so his nails could dig into her sides and hold her close. It took Jyn a moment to catch up to what he was doing. His kiss was hard and fast, almost hungry, as he tried to persuade her to open her mouth to him. He was in rare form, rough and wanting, something Jyn had only seen a few times, even during their passionate make-up sessions.

 

Jyn finally fought back when she bit his lower lip to catch his attention him for a momen. It was long enough for her to catch her breath and look him in the eye, his dark brown eyes almost black now. That look was enough to tell Jyn that he wasn’t running from her this time. It was enough for Jyn, and she practically leapt back up to him, stealing a kiss from his lips before he scooped her up, her legs wrapping tightly around his waist to keep herself steady as he carried her away to the bedroom. 

 

He was trying to get them to the bed, heroically, really, but Jyn managed to kiss his weak spot on his neck, just under his scratchy jaw, and he had to stop and press her against the wall to get in a few more kisses. 

 

He was working on her neck now, trying to find all the places that made her moan while she made quick work of the buttons of his shirt so she could slip her hands onto his shoulder and start tracing the scars there. 

 

Cassian shrugged out of his shirt and it fell to the floor with a careless thud. He seemed to feel as though they were terribly uneven, and he pinned Jyn to the wall with his narrow hips as best he could before trying to tug up her shirt over her head. She made him fight for it with a smirk, using her leverage to grind against him and get a rise out of him, which she most certainly did, before she relented and helped him with her top. 

 

It was finally enough for Cassian to move on to the bedroom, nearly tossing Jyn to the mattress. Her slight laughter that escaped filled the room and seemed to only egg him on. His lips quickly met hers again before they started making their way down, kissing along her neck and nipping at all her sensitive spots. 

 

She knew he was on a mission when he just kissed down past her breasts, trailing down her stomach and feeling his fingers beginning to unbutton her pants. Jyn quickly helped him get her out of those - any clothing felt too restrictive at the moment. 

 

Cassian neither hesitated nor wavered; he just looked up at her with those black eyes brimming with want, seeking her approval, and, with her brief nod, he had it. He propped her legs over his wiry shoulders, pushed her underwear to the side, and started letting his fingers do the work, stealing any possible words from Jyn’s mouth and turning them into low moans. 

 

He started his kisses just above the band of her underwear before moving to the inside of her thighs, the scratch of his scruffy beard enough to make Jyn grind onto his hand, desperate for more friction of any kind. 

 

“Cassian.” Jyn plead, her hands twisting knots in the sheets with her grip. 

 

Wordlessly, he moved his attention from her thighs, now red from his pleasant scratches, and replaced his fingers with his tongue. Jyn was more than glad no one lived around for miles: the obscene he got out of her were loud enough to pierce through the walls. 

 

Despite being well on his way to Jyn’s first orgasm of the night, he kept his eyes on her while the heels of her feet dug into his sides. Her cries only became louder when she met his gaze. 

 

It wasn’t until Cassian moaned her name into her wet heat that she lost all control. Warmth spread like wildfire through her, and she felt him slowly pumping his fingers into her to bring her down softly. Cassian seemed more than pleased with his work. 

 

When Jyn rode out the entirety of her climax Cassian practically ripped her underwear off while she sat up to get his own pants off as quickly as possible. 

 

“Maybe we should stop.” He finally spoke, out of breath with a faint sheen of sweat glistening on him, though that was nothing compared to the panting mess that he’d made of Jyn. 

 

“Not a chance.” Jyn practically growled. Smirking at her success when all his clothes were finally gone and she took control of the situation, straddling Cassian’s lap and hovering just above him, ready to guide him into her. 

 

“Jyn, what about last time.” Cassian finally pointed out. Jyn knew something like that had been on his mind, and the same had been on her mind as well. 

 

“Well, it’ll give you something to stay alive and come back to, won’t it?” She smirked, catching him off guard when she took ahold of him, and slowly guided him to just the right spot, although it was difficult to tell there  _ that _ was since all of him felt so good inside of her right then. 

 

Everything tension that had built up over the course of the day was released, every touch set fire to her skin, every kiss was tender and sweet, and every thrust was enough to set her heart on fire. She sighed every time she moved her own hips against him, and  _ kriff _ did she love hearing his own moans and groans when they fell in sync with one another. Every single thrust brought her just a bit closer to what she wanted. 

 

“Jyn.” Cassian moaned. “Dammit, Jyn,  _ yes _ .” 

 

At first it made her smile, the way he said her name, but then it lit a fire in her that wouldn’t be quenched until she had him shouting out her name in his own climax. 

 

It took a while: lots of grunts and groans, gasps for air, and hot and messy kisses, but eventually the two had reached their climax together, Jyn just seconds before Cassian, and at the end of it they were panting and sweaty, smiling like a couple of fools at one another. 

  
    They might die soon, if that’s what the Force willed, but for now she was happy, still living in the innocent bubble they had created on Lahmu, and for a moment - Jyn was the happiest woman in the galaxy - if only it was for that very moment. 


	3. Never to Part

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter turned out a bit fluffier than expected, but I guess that's because I didn't want to actually write them out there on the battlefield and wanted to write more about the in-between stuff for this fic. I think my heart is just screaming at me to write happy stuff for these two because, let's face it, they deserve it. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, all the comments make me smile every single time, thanks again to Athelise for beta reading this chapter, and only two more chapters to go for this fic! Don't worry though, I have other ideas ;)

_ 2 Months Later _

 

    They’d been welcomed back with open arms into the Rebellion, and Cassian was quickly promoted from Captain to Commander, while Jyn received Captain title of her own soon afterwards. 

 

She wished she could have gone through the motions of just being a good soldier, that she didn’t have to care about anyone other than Cassian, but she ended up doing so anyways, and each loss pained her heart a little more as the list of K.I.A. poured in after a mission gone wrong. Her name, or Cassian’s, could have been on that list once, and very well could be before the war was over. So she tried not to listen to the deaths anymore. She made friends again, reluctantly, and so despite the war and death around them, there were good times; often with Cassian by her side, because when both of them were apart they were terrible at holding conversations. 

 

The first person she’d genuinely liked was a General named Han Solo; he was going to be her and Cassian’s commanding officer and it seemed only fitting that he’d be the first one she’d befriended, especially since he didn’t operate as most war generals did. He’d been a  _ smuggler _ before joining the Rebellion, and she remembered hearing his name frequently before she left with Cassian. He was also a member of the team that destroyed the first Death Star, for which he had Jyn’s admiration and gratitude.

 

At first Jyn wasn’t all that enchanted as everyone else seemed to be with  _ Princess _ Leia Organa. Even Cassian got along with her -- they both had the ‘die for the cause’ fire behind their eyes. But as Jyn got to know Leia, she came to realize that behind all those titles, she and Leia were more alike than she’d first thought. She too lost both of their parents to the Empire, but was still holding strong, she let herself be angry, and Jyn could sense that her anger ran deep and needed to be vented out from time to time. Not to mention she never took no for an answer from anybody. 

 

After warming up to one another, Jyn admitted to Leia that she might have been a tad bit jealous of her for being so close to Cassian, to which she only replied  _ “I have my own moon jockey to worry about, I don’t need another.” _

 

Luke was more of a mystery than anything else: the famous last Jedi trained by the long-lost Jedi Master, Yoda. She’d heard Luke’s name more than she’d seen him, but whenever she did, she could feel a powerful force around him. She smiled to think that her mother would have been fascinated, and teared up a bit when she realized Chirrut would have smiled and told something along the lines of  _ “I told you so” _ to Baze. 

Luke reminded her of the ghosts that she had once known, and the Force was clearly very true. One time he came up to her and told her that everyone she once knew was okay, and after her initial shock, it gave Jyn peace she needed. 

 

Lastly was a couple - Shara Bey and Kes Dameron - and they perhaps gave Jyn the most hope of anyone else in the Rebellion. They gave the her hope of having a happy life after all, that she and Cassian could leave and go off to have families just like those happy endings that people always talked about. Even Cassian had taken up a friendship with Kes Dameron, and Jyn spent as much time as she could with Shara. 

 

Despite everything around them, Shara and Kes were  _ happy _ , they were married, they had a son that even Jyn had to admit was quite adorable, a son named Poe Dameron. Jyn had never thought of wanting such a life for herself, until Shara asked one day, only assuming she and Cassian’s relationship -  _ “Do you and your husband will have any kids of your own?” _

_ Almost _ was the first thought that came to Jyn’s mind, followed by the oddly optimistic thought of  _ someday. _

 

Late one night Jyn was wide awake, her mind racing with all of those peaceful thoughts in hopes to calm her nightmares, but without Cassian at her side it was nearly impossible. He’d be there if he wasn’t on a mission. They were always together, whether they were in beds or camping in tents on a mission. But this time Jyn was with her team without her Commander, camped out on Sullust in a makeshift Rebel Base for the time being. She nearly jumped out of her skin when a Med Bay droid entered her room, opening the locked door with ease and looming at the end of Jyn’s bed. 

 

“Commander Cassian Andor has requested your presence,” it said. 

 

“Where is he?” Jyn jumped out of bed, shrugging on her old jacket on and pulling on her boots. 

 

“The medical bay,” the droid recited. “He has now awoken from bacta treatment. He requested your presence when he landed, but was advised to refrain from seeking you out until he was treated and awake.” 

 

Her heart nearly dropped. Cassian was hurt, enough to have been dropped into a bacta tank -- he could have almost died and  _ no one  _ let her know the minute he landed?!

 

“Take me to him  _ now _ .” Jyn demanded. 

 

The droid complied, swiftly leading Jyn through the winding maze of the base until Jyn could see Cassian’s sleeping form through the window of a Med Bay room. Jyn bolting past the droid and to rushed to his side. 

 

“Cassian!” She had to keep herself from crying at the sight of him. 

 

He’d been badly injured, Jyn could tell from the report of the bacta tank and the swathes of bandages wrapped around his waist. His hands had been scrubbed clean with only faint traces of blood under his nails, and tiny little flecks under his jaw. Cassian slowly opened his eyes at the sound of her voice, a smile spreading across his face as soon as she  came into focus. 

 

She studied every new bruise and scar that came along with his injury. “Hi,” was all he managed to croak out before Jyn cupped his face in her hands and cutting him off with a kiss, slow and passionate, something they hadn’t been able accomplish in their two months of nothing but frenzied lovemaking. Rebellions wait for no one, not even if they’re about to orgasm.  

 

“What happened?” She asked as soon as she pulled away. She let her eyes leave his face for only a moment to grab a seat nearby.

 

“‘Trooper came from the behind, but two others got it worse than me. One of ours died.” Cassian’s smile had faded as he recalled the memory. 

 

“You can’t go anywhere without me, can you?” Jyn asked with a smirk, hoping to lighten the mood; he’d called her his good luck charm since they’d rejoined the Rebellion. He never got hurt on missions with her there, and the one time he goes without out, well, even Jyn couldn’t help but think it was true now. 

 

“I suppose I can’t, Stardust.” Cassian said with a small smile, and yet Jyn froze. Slowly her heart warmed 

 

Cassian had never met Galen Erso, but back on Scarif when they’d found the plans named  _ “Stardust” _ , she did tell him that was what her father had called her all her life. Cassian said it was more than fitting for her, that she was like something straight from the stars in his eyes, and occasionally he called her the nickname as well. It was their own little codeword for  _ ‘I love you’ _ when words itself seemed to fail. She was about to lean in and kiss him again when a medical officer entered the room. 

 

“Oh,” she said, “so sorry, I didn’t think there would be visitors this time of night. You must be Captain Erso, then.” She smiled. “Commander Andor requested for your presence frequently before his treatment.” 

 

“Then why didn’t anyone send for me?” Jyn asked harshly. She felt the anger bubbling up inside of her, even though she knew she had no real right to be angry - they’d saved Cassian’s life - but he could have died and Jyn wouldn’t have known until it was too late to say goodbye. 

 

“I’m sorry, but it’s protocol, unless you're the spouse.  We can’t tell anyone not directly related to the person of their condition until they’re stable or, well...” The officer trailed off. 

 

“She is.” Cassian finally spoke up. Jyn and the medical officer both to look at him, and they were more than a little confused. “We were married in secret a few weeks ago.” 

 

The officer raised a brow. “I see. Well, you may have been a spy for the Rebellion once, Commander, but that’s not a secret you should keep from your records, should anything else happen. I’ll add her to your record and you to hers so we can avoid this...confusion later on.” She pulled out a data pad right in front of them and began making the changes. Jyn could barely blink for her surprise at the turn of events.

 

The officer left after explaining more of Cassian’s injury to Jyn now that she was apparently his “wife”. Most of it passed in one ear and out the other, to be honest. Jyn turned to him again and wondered what exactly went through his mind to say that. 

 

_ “Wife? _ I must have missed our wedding then, husband, or drank too much to remember. It’s probably second one.” Jyn said. Color rose in her cheeks, and Cassian had the grace to look abashed.

 

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “I saw how scared you were when you first came in here and...this way they will let you know. In the future, I mean. Don’t you want that?” 

 

“Don’t be sorry.” Jyn replied. A small smile crept over her lips. “Thank you.” 

 

“Would marriage be that bad though?” Cassian asked out of nowhere, curiosity written all over his face. He squeezed her hand.

 

“No.” Jyn replied confidently. She’d thought hard about it the past few months. She didn’t deserve a good life with Cassian, but she wanted it. “It wouldn’t.” 

 

“Well, maybe it’s the drugs they gave me, but...would you marry me?” He asked. He was a bit off from the medications, but there was no doubt in his eyes about what he was asking, just as she knew her answer.

 

    “Yes.” She answered softly, leaning over and pressing a kiss to his lips, soft and slow and somehow even more passionate than any of their kisses before. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


After the word got out about their “marriage”, they weren’t put on as many missions together as they used to be. It was mostly the Admirals making those calls, though Han would stand up for them and try to keep them together as often as he could. 

 

Somewhere in his travels Cassian brought back two silver bands for them, and while their marriage wasn’t exactly official, it was more than enough for Jyn. She had never wanted to go through all the fuss of marriage anyway. She was still Jyn Erso, and no one stopped calling her that, except for Cassian who might have enjoyed calling her  _ Mrs. Andor _ a little too much in bed together. 

 

The war was coming to an end. Everyone kept saying that, at least, for better or worse things would finally be coming to an end. Plans were made to organize distractions on multiple planets while the main assault happened on Endor. It was their final stand. Everyone was filled with a mix of hope and fear, and Jyn and Cassian were no exceptions. 

 

It was finally the last night before the big assault, everyone was stationed for their attacks, Jyn and Cassian making it to Endor to assist in the final strike. Jyn had to admit that it was almost gratifying to be part of the final strike, but that didn’t change that she was terrified. Cassian laid beside her, the both of them covered in a layer of sweat while tangled in their sheets. Jyn’s hand was brushing over the small scar left behind from Cassian’s last injury on his abdomen, the bacta had fixed most of it, but there was still just a small bit left behind.

 

    “I’m pregnant.” Jyn blurted out, just above a whisper, something for only them to hear among the tents of others. 

 

    “What?” Cassian questioned, looking down at her with a mix of pure surprise and joy, but also twinged with something sad. “How did they let you come out here?” 

 

     “They don’t know, I stole a test from the med bay when you were being discharged.” Jyn explained. “I knew they wouldn’t have let me come out here.” 

 

    “Jyn-” 

 

    “Don’t even start, you know your luck without me, I’m not going to lose you now.” Jyn said. 

 

    “...Just stay close to me out there, I’d feel better if you at least did that.” Cassian whispered to her, leaning over and pressing a kiss to her forehead before pulling her in closer. 

 

    “I will.” Jyn promised. 

 

    “Good, and thank you.” He wore a smile on his face now that made Jyn’s heart skip a beat. 

 

    “For what?” She asked, though she knew the answer because for once in her life, she did the right thing with Cassian, she gave him the knowledge he deserved to have. 

 

    “For telling me.” Cassian assured her. “Now I’ve got twice the reason to fight.” 

 

    “So do I.” Jyn agreed. 

  
    Jyn’s smile only grew when she felt Cassian’s rough and calloused hands travel to her waist, one of them resting on her stomach and causing his own smile to widen before pressing kiss after kiss to her forehead. 


	4. What I Never Had

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: We're almost at the end of this fic! One more chapter where Jyn & Cassian become the happy family they deserved to be and it's done! I've got other fics for these two in progress, and I'm hoping that I'll have many more ideas for them! I hope you guys like this chapter, it's got some extra cute in it. <3 Thanks again to Athelise for beta reading!

The two barely got out with their lives, but after Endor they were actually  _ happy _ . The Emperor was dead, Darth Vader was dead,  _ The Empire was dead _ . Every worry that had plagued their thoughts and nightmares was finally vanquished. 

 

Jyn was happy for the first time since she was a child, probably; she thought Cassian would feel the same, instead of keeping to himself at the outskirts of the celebrations, nursing a drink and staring into the stars as though he was just  _ waiting _ for something else to go wrong. 

 

“Didn't they tell you we won the war, Commander?” Jyn asked, walking up to him. “The Rebellion usually doesn't have parties unless we've won.” She added with a smirk. 

 

She couldn't have a drink given her current condition, but she felt so light and free---everything her parents and friends had given their lives for was no longer in vain--- yet Cassian was acting as if no victory had occurred at all. 

 

“I know.” Cassian mumbled, bringing his eyes down to his cup. 

 

“Are you okay?” Jyn asked, concerned. 

 

“I'm fine,”he tried to assure her, but Jyn knew from his voice that he wasn't. 

 

“Trust goes both ways.” She repeated the words that she said what felt like a lifetime ago now. She decided to trust him again. “I'm okay, with the war ending, that is, but I'm terrified of having a kid.” 

 

Her truth seemed to capture his attention, his sullen brown eyes locked onto her as she tried to hold back the tears that were brimming. 

 

“I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to children.” Jyn sighed. 

 

“You were raised by your parents and people who cared about you, you know more than I do.” Cassian admitted. 

 

“My parents didn't really have time to be parents, they were trying to keep me safe. Running from the Empire doesn't leave much time for raising a child to do anything other than fight.” She shook her head,” Saw was worse, I loved him like a parent but he was consumed with his war, and he was...well, distant.” Jyn wiped away her a tear. 

Something that almost looked like guilt crossed his eyes before looking back down at his cup again.  “I'm sorry,” he mumbled. 

 

“For what?”  she asked with a sigh. 

 

“A few months ago, when you followed me into all of this...I didn't think about what happened with you. I told you I wasn't going to leave you and then I just decided I was going...all because I was angry.” Cassian said. There was pain in his voice that pierced her, too.

 

“You didn't leave, though, that's what matters.” Jyn replied. 

 

“I've been on my own all my life.” Cassian shook his head. “I forgot to think about that someone who was with me, that I wasn't alone. What if something like that happens after we have the baby? What if I _ do _ leave to go do something like this again? I don't want our kid live the way we did,” he went on, nearly shaking with passion, and Jyn could tell he was starting to have a panic attack. It’d happened only a few times, like when he’d first woke up from his surgery after Scarif, and Jyn knew how to handle it. 

 

“You're not,” she murmured, “that's not who you are, you don't run from things.” Jyn cupped his face in her hands and forced him look at her. “You didn't want to leave the Rebellion---I did. You  _ just _ wanted to finish what you started, what you've been fighting for your whole life because that’s all you had before me. But you're not alone anymore Cassian.

“The war is over, we’re alive, we’re going to have a family. A  _ real _ family, because we are going to at least  _ try _ to be the best damn parents we can possibly be---together.” 

 

Without another word, Cassian dipped down and kissed her, his hands clasped at her waist and trying to lose himself in her and her unwavering hope for their future. Jyn pulled back with a smile, though Cassian seemed confused. 

 

“You know, there  _ are _ people everywhere.” She pointed out, her voice lowered and cheeks flushed. 

 

“Right.” Cassian said awkwardly, a bit embarrassed by his own enthusiasm.

 

“So what should we do now?” Jyn asked, wrapping her arms about his trim waist. 

 

“Well...we could start with actually getting married,” He pointed out with a grin. 

  
  


* * *

 

Going back to Lahmu almost felt like trying to step back into another life, and maybe it was. Lahmu had been where her family had lived to hide, it had been where her and Cassian had lived to hide; and Jyn was tired of hiding. She knew her parents wouldn’t want her to hide anymore, either. 

 

“We should move somewhere else,” Jyn blurted out one morning in bed after being back on Lahmu about a month. She was already tired of it. 

 

“Alright, where do you want to go?” Cassian asked, still half asleep with his arm draped over her and holding her close. 

 

“Somewhere warm, and not so rainy all the time.” Jyn said. “Somewhere we can raise our kid and they can just be a kid.” 

 

“Somewhere warm, huh?” Cassian mused. “There are plenty of warm planets in the galaxy. Depends on what kind of warm you want.” 

 

“No desert planets. That’s too warm.” Jyn ruled out right away.

 

“Well, there goes Tatooine and Jakku.” Cassian laughed a bit, leaning in and pressing a kiss to the side of her neck while Jyn tried to push back into their embrace a bit more - she loved the comfort of having him there, in bed, at her side and refusing to let her go. 

 

“And I don’t want to live in a city. I want them to be able to play without running into thousands of people.” Jyn moved down her list of requirements while Cassian occupied himself with kissing down her bare skin. 

 

“No Coruscant then.” Cassian concluded, moving to kiss down her shoulder. 

 

“...What about Yavin IV?” Jyn asked curiously, and it was enough to give Cassian pause in his mission to kiss every inch of skin he could reach. “It’s got open places for kids to just run, it’s not crammed full of cities and politics, I bet it’s quite peaceful since the Rebellion left. Not to mention it’s warm, and it doesn’t rain for days like it does here.” 

 

“We could, if you want.” Cassian said, his scruffy beard brushing up against her bare shoulder. 

 

Jyn rolled over in his grasp, leaving Cassian to loom over her, and a grin grew on her face while she reached up and threaded her hand in his hair. 

 

“I love you.” He said, unabashed of the true weight of those words. 

 

Jyn wished with all her heart that she could say those words back to him with such ease, but they caught in her throat, as they always had. Her inability to say those words back to him always made her feel like Cassian deserved so much more than her. He deserved a person who could say  _ I love you, too _ . 

 

If it bothered him, he never let it show. Instead he leaned in and kissed her with a slow passion that easily set every inch of Jyn’s skin on fire. It was this heat and intensity that could easily draw those words from her lips, she was often tempted to just blurt them out. But something would always stop her the second she’d think about it - she’d freeze and ruin the moment - but Jyn was feeling more than selfish that moment. It was like a sudden need had been lit inside of her. 

 

She noticed feelings like these came far more frequently ever since she’d found out she was pregnant again. All she wanted sometimes was his hands on every inch of her skin, or sometimes all she’d want to do is hide out in her father’s old shop and cry about absolutely nothing worth crying over. 

 

Jyn hated not being able to control what she wanted or what she felt. She used to always be able to control it before, but now whenever it came to wanting Cassian, it was a compulsion she could more than live with. Cassian was about the only thing that made her feel sane these days. 

 

The sheet Jyn had held to her chest quickly vanished and was replaced with his hands wandering over her curved frame, and every brush of his rough hands against her soft skin was nearly enough to send her over the edge then and there. Jyn feverishly tried to claw and hook her way around him--- she didn’t want to wait another second and he knew it was driving her insane from the smile he pressed against her lips. He pulled away and started kissing down, putting even more distance between her and what she wanted. 

 

“You know, I was having a nice morning until you got all handsy.” Jyn said almost breathlessly as he kissed her sensitive flesh. 

 

“Well, now you know how I feel,” he mumbled against her skin, while Jyn arched up into his kisses. “I’m just going about my business most days and then you come along and set everything on fire.” He smirked, his eyes locked with hers and Jyn felt she could just melt under his gaze. 

 

“Yeah, I have a habit of ruining things.” Jyn managed as he started kissing her abdomen, where he liked to spend most of his time kissing when he wasn’t between her legs. He asked her every day when the baby would start kicking and while she didn’t know exactly when, she knew it was still a while away. 

 

“No, you don’t.” Cassian protested, pulling away from her stomach to crawl back up to her body and start peppering her cheeks with kisses. “I think you saved me.” 

 

“Well, I did manage to keep you from being shot sometimes.” Jyn ran her hands over the scar from his most recent injury. “Only when I was allowed to be there to save you that is.”

 

“I don’t mean that, but yes, you did save me out there, too.” His smile was soft and his eyes even more so as they just stared at her, his hand resting just under her chin to keep her head tilted towards him. “I meant you saved me from myself. From the moment I met you, you started saving me.” 

 

“Are you sure you’re thinking of the right person here? From the moment I met you all I managed to was start arguments between us.” Jyn recalled, but then again, all her doubts plaguing memories that Cassian might have remembered in a fonder light. 

 

    “You did,” he admitted, “those arguments kept me thinking, had me doubting what I was doing. I broke so many of my own rules going back for you to save you because I couldn’t leave you behind.”

 

She’d never really thought of their past like that. Cassian continued. “Before Scarif, I used to carry this pill with me every day, and if things went wrong while I was undercover I was supposed to take it. I was supposed to die. Afterwards, I held onto it for a while, until you asked me to leave the Rebellion with you. I didn’t want to carry that around with me anymore. I didn’t want to leave you, and I didn’t want you thinking that I did. If I hadn’t met you and I just kept fighting...I don’t know what would have happened to that pill now, after the war was finished.”

 

Cassian had never mentioned the realities of the war that he lived and fought in before she came around. She knew what spies were supposed to do when they were caught, but to think of Cassian doing that to himself was almost unbearable. What he said made her wonder about the dark thoughts that must have crossed his mind every day before her. She’d heard stories after all of what some spies had done once they were no longer needed for their cause; it never ended well. 

 

“Don’t worry about that; you’re home now.” Jyn said, she couldn’t think of anything more comforting to say to him; the man who’d never had a home, the man who gave his life to the Rebellion and probably thought he’d never make it out. 

 

“I love you too.” She promised him, the words just tumbling out because she meant it with her whole heart. “I love you too.” She said again. 

 

The ferocious need in her had calmed down at this point, only to be replaced with something more genuine and warm than the cold need for satisfaction. He’d opened up to her, something they were both slowly working on doing, as hard and as painful as it could be sometimes, especially since they were actually married now. 

 

They had both grown so used to keeping everything close to their chests that letting things out now made them feel weaker, but it was also cathartic in a way: a weight was lifted from them, and that freedom seemed to trigger the desire back in Cassian again just be close to her as he possibly could.

 

“Can I tell you something?” Jyn asked as Cassian resumed his prerogative to kiss down her body. 

 

“Mmm?” 

 

“I’m incredibly hungry right now,” she announced with a laugh, and he laughed, too, and he leaned up to steal a kiss from her lips.

 

“Is that you telling me to go make breakfast?” Cassian asked with a smirk.

 

“Maybe.” Jyn laughed. “Sorry, I only have three moods lately.” 

 

“I’ve noticed; horny, upset, and hungry.” Cassian pressed a kiss to her forehead before crawling off of her and getting out of bed. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


_ Three months later _

 

Yavin IV was different from any other place Jyn had lived before. It was peaceful, the streets weren’t crowded with people, it didn’t get too hot in the day or too cold at night. It was perfect. They’d settled on a little farm, and Jyn found being out in the fields peaceful and Cassian was getting better at keeping things alive without the droids’ help, though he still prefered working on the droids. Unknowingly, they didn’t live too far from a certain couple they’d befriended during the war - Shara Bey and Kes Dameron. 

Jyn liked being close to someone they knew, she also liked getting to be around the Damerons and their little son, Poe, it was almost practice for when their baby came along. It was funny to see Cassian interact with tiny Poe, he didn’t quite know how to handle a baby and didn’t have the instincts for it yet. What made it even funnier to Jyn was that Poe loved being around Cassian, and Cassian was afraid to pick him up whenever he wasn’t sitting out of fear of dropping him. 

 

    Jyn liked Yavin IV, and she could tell that Cassian liked it too, he liked being able to finally go outside somewhere that didn’t require ten layers of clothing, and with the current state Jyn was in, that was a relief for her as well. She felt like she had too much strapped to the front of her and she hated not being able to be as mobile as she was used to being. 

 

She couldn’t be on her feet for hours on end because then they’d hurt too much, she couldn’t strain herself, especially not with Cassian looming over her and watching her every move. She hated it. Cassian did manage to keep her occupied with repairing droids, however. It was something they could do together and something she could do while sitting down, not to mention there wasn’t any heavy lifting involved, and if there was Cassian made sure to take it over. 

 

Jyn did like one thing about being pregnant, other than the fact of that she was actually going to be bringing a life into the galaxy - someone that’d be a perfect combination of her and Cassian, and something more. She liked that Cassian always kept her close. He always had beforehand, his need to have her in touching distance was something that comforted Jyn, but it escalated the more  heavily pregnant she became. 

 

At nights before bed when they would just sit and watch a holo or something, Cassian would have her laying in his lap, leaning into his embrace, and while Jyn would watch the movie, Cassian would be more enthralled with resting his hands on her bump, waiting for the baby to kick and smiling like a fool when it did. 

 

“You’re encouraging them.” Jyn smirked. “They kick more and more every day because of you, and they’re starting to think my bladder is something to play with.” 

“Sorry.” Cassian laughed, still keeping his hand on her bump but leaning forward to press a kiss to the top of her head. 

 

“So what do you think then?” Jyn asked. “Boy or girl?” 

 

“You act like you know already.” Cassian noticed. 

 

“I do, sort of, Shara told me there was a trick to knowing, and I’m pretty sure I do know, but I want you to guess.” Jyn grinned. 

 

“I’m at a disadvantage here you know.” Cassian sighed, and Jyn seemed more than proud of having him at that disadvantage. “Alright, let’s see.” Cassian moved his hand around on her bump, prompting their baby to kick. 

 

“You’re going to guess from the kicking?” Jyn asked. 

 

“Yeah, and I’m going to say it’s a girl.” He stated. 

 

“Really?”she asked him, amused. “How can you tell that from the way it kicks?” 

 

“Because she kicks as hard as you, which is enough to knock the wind out of someone.” Cassian laughed and Jyn couldn't help but grin in return. “Did I get it right?”

  
“I don’t know, we’ll just have to wait and see.” Jyn smirked. 


	5. Our Happiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So we've finally reached the end! I'm glad that I got to see this fic all the way through and I'm even more glad that not only did I have a ton of fun writing it, but that so many of you guys seemed to like it too! I've got other fics currently in progress for these two (Hope Is Not Lost & Wild Things), I've got another one on the way I hope you guys will like, not to mention other one shots, and also feel free to send in some requests for them (on my tumblr senatorrorgana.tumblr.com)! Thank you guys so much, and a big thank you to Athelise for being my beta for this entire fic <3

There was nothing gentle about giving birth, although she never expected it to be easy in the first place. But everything about it had been a shock to her system; starting with the shooting pain through her body in the middle of the night, two weeks before she was due. She bolted upright in bed and tried to contain her sudden scream, her movement woke Cassian, but thankfully he did not fall into a panic. 

 

“What's wrong?” Cassian asked, still half asleep, and curled up in bed. 

 

“The baby is coming.” Jyn tried to stay calm as reprieve in contractions eased the pain. 

 

“Mhmm.” Cassian agreed, and obviously the gravity of situation hadn't struck him yet. 

 

“The baby is coming,  _ now. _ ” Jyn hissed through the next contraction. 

 

It was enough to finally wake Cassian, and upon seeing Jyn in a cold sweat with pain written all over her face, he was wide awake now. 

 

“The baby is coming.” His eyes were wide and manic at the realization. 

 

“Don't you dare panic on me, Cassian Andor, just help me get out of bed. We need to get to the hospital.” It fell on Jyn to remain calm, biting back any agitation bubbling up in her for the sake of keeping Cassian focused. 

 

“Right, right, okay.” Cassian seemed to get a handle on himself in that moment and leaped out of bed, dressing as quickly as possible and getting Jyn's bag out of the closet that she had packed in foresight of this moment months ago. 

 

Jyn could still walk, she knew, but Cassian, being his overprotective self, had taken it upon himself to carry her to the living room so she could wait until he had everything ready to go. She remembered she had to focus on breathing, in and out, like the doctors told her, and trying to keep her own panic from setting in -  _ she was having a baby, she about to give birth to another life and she was terrified.  _

 

Somewhere in the middle of her panic, Cassian had gotten her on the ship and to the hospital just as the contractions were  _ really _ starting to kick in. Jyn didn't remember getting into the delivery room, or medical droids and a doctor surrounding her while she lay on that bed; all she could focus on was Cassian and the pain. 

One person was telling her to keep breathing, another was telling her to push at certain points, and there was something cold and metal down at her legs, though she couldn't see what was going on with the barrier the droid had put up. Cassian held her hand, which she was sure she had almost broken at some point, though he never said a word about it. He just leaned in close, kissing her forehead and telling her everything was okay, that she was doing a good job. 

 

Jyn didn't like this pain, it wasn't something she wanted to be in, it felt like her whole body was being torn apart and pulled together too tightly at the same time and all she wanted was for the pain to be gone. 

 

“It's okay, Jyn.” Cassian soothed her with another light kiss to her temple as she let out another scream of pain. “You're doing great, I'm so proud of you.” 

 

One of her final screams turned into a sob, something like relief coursing through every part of her body, despite her pain. The droids and doctor had gone silent as they were at work by her legs, and suddenly there was a cry that pierced through the room that made Jyn's heart leap out of her chest. It was just a sound, a tiny little cry, but Jyn  _ knew  _ it was the sound of her baby and hers alone, no other child in the galaxy could make a sound that resonated with her quite like that.

 

Cassian was at her side, smiling like a fool, as he was able to see their baby before she could. The droids took the baby away just for a moment to clean it before returning to Jyn's side, their baby wrapped in a bundle of pink blankets; the tiny face peaking out was so red and so...so  _ perfect. _

 

“It's a girl.” The droid announced, handing the baby to Jyn, who couldn't wrap her arms around her little girl fast enough. 

 

She didn't know what made her cry, the pain was subsiding as the other droid stitched her up, the baby was healthy and finally in her arms, but something about finally holding her made a few tears spring to her eye. She pressed a kiss gently to her daughter's forehead, inhaling that scent that full baby scent that little Poe still had a hint of. 

 

“Hi,” she whispered through her tears of joy, “I'm your Mama.” 

 

Cassian leaned in to get a closer look at their baby girl,  _ their daughter _ , and Jyn swore she heard him weeping now, too, though he was still grinning from ear to ear. Even though their daughter’s eyes were still closed, it was as though she knew Cassian’s hand was close to hers and her tiny little hand wrapped tightly around his finger to hold him close. 

 

“And I'm your Papa.” Cassian managed to say. 

 

In that moment, all of Jyn's fears and anxiety of becoming a parent washed away. Her daughter was here and Jyn wasn't afraid, it felt right to hold her close, and to love her so much already that her heart could barely take it. She wasn't afraid of her and Cassian becoming parents, either, because if they could love her this much already, they would do anything to keep her safe and loved. 

  
  


* * *

 

Cassian was sure he'd never seen a more perfect thing in his life as soon as he got to hold his daughter. Jyn had fallen asleep shortly after feeding her, and she was surely the most beautiful person he'd ever seen, finally resting after hours of labor to bring their daughter into the world. 

 

He'd been so afraid to hold Poe, but now he wasn't at all afraid to hold his precious baby girl, despite how small and fragile she was. She was something he needed to protect and hold close for the rest of his life, and not a minute would go by where Cassian wouldn't protect her and make sure she knew she was loved. 

 

She was the perfect combination of him and Jyn; her coloring was just a bit lighter than his, but it still unmistakably there, she had Jyn's nose, and his dark hair. He couldn't wait to see her eyes, he knew they’d be light at first, something he remembered seeing in one of the many books Jyn had, but once they started to take their true color, he wondered if her eyes would be bright green like her mother’s or dark like his. 

 

When she started to squirm Cassian started singing. He thought he had forgotten the lullabies his mother had sung to him so long ago, but as soon as he had to sing for her it was as though no time had passed between his mother crooning in his ears and now. The lullaby seemed to sooth her almost instantly, pulling her back to sleep and allowing Jyn to have a little more rest, or so he thought. 

 

“She loves you already.” Jyn croaked, a smile on her face just for him, despite her exhaustion. 

 

“She loves you too.” Cassian replied quietly, trying not to wake his sleeping bundle. 

 

“We should probably give her a name at some point.” Jyn tried to sit up some more, but only winced in pain before giving up. 

“What were you thinking?” Cassian asked. 

 

“Honestly, I have no idea.” Jyn sighed. “I've spent so long worrying about being a good mother, I forgot to think of what to call her.” 

 

“What about...Lyra?” Cassian offered gently. 

 

Jyn's eyes lit up at the sound of it, and Cassian knew before she even replied that it was the perfect name for their little girl. 

 

“Lyra Andor,” she tried, “I like the sound of that.” She grinned 

 

At the sound of Jyn's voice, little Lyra woke from her slumber and started crying and squirming in protest. 

 

“I think she realized you're awake now.” Cassian laughed, rising from his seat and bringing little Lyra to her mother, and Jyn happily scooped her into her arms and held her skin-to-skin. Lyra calmed almost immediately.

 

“I think you'll have to teach me that song of yours. I think she liked it.” Jyn smiled.  

  
  


* * *

 

Six months came and went in the blink of an eye. To Jyn it didn’t seem like that much time had passed, but their little girl was already six months old, and she was starting to understand what parents meant when they said children grow quickly. 

 

The first few months were plagued with late night crying fits and too little sleep for Jyn and Cassian, but Lyra had finally begun to sleep through the night. Granted, Jyn still couldn't sleep, worrying as she was every second if Lyra was alright. 

 

“You should get some sleep.” Cassian spoke, breaking the silence of their bedroom and rubbing small circles into her lower back, something she still found soothing even though she no longer had to contend with back pain from being pregnant. “She's going to wake up soon.” 

 

“I can't sleep.” Jyn grumbled in protest. 

 

Cassian pulled her closer then, his hand resting on her abdomen, and the scruff of his beard brushed against her bare shoulder. 

 

“Do I have to sing you to sleep, too?” He asked and Jyn couldn't help but laugh. 

 

“Maybe.” Jyn grinned, turning around in his arms to face him. “But I think there are other ways you can help me sleep.” 

 

“I'd be more than happy to, if I weren't half asleep myself.” Cassian swore with a yawn.

 

Jyn moved as close to him as she could, nestling into his warmth and seeking comfort. He began humming at some point, and while Jyn tried to fall asleep to it, she couldn't help but be captivated by the sound and start kissing at his neck everywhere she could reach. Somewhere along the way during her quest, his humming choked and turned into a moan, to which Jyn could only smile proudly and continued kissing where she’d gotten him moaning. 

 

“Still sleepy?” Jyn asked with a smirk, lips still pressed against his neck.

 

“You’re going to be the death of me.” Cassian mumbled. 

 

“I know.” Jyn smirked. 

 

Cassian grabbed her and took control, climbing atop her to kiss everywhere he could reach, getting giggles more than anything else out of her. 

 

“You’re gonna wake her up.” Cassian hushed her with a quick kiss to the lips. Between the lack of sleep, the long days of farming,  _ and _ caring for Lyra, time alone was precious in its scarcity, though their passion never faded. 

 

“I thought you were too tired.” Jyn countered.

 

“Well,” Cassian acknowledged, “you woke me up, and it’s been too long since I’ve had you all to myself.” Cassian’s voice became husky and Jyn could barely stand how much she wanted him then and there. 

 

As if on cue, Lyra’s cries started to flood into the room from across the hall, and Jyn couldn’t help but smirk at Cassian’s disappointment. 

 

“My turn.” Jyn whispered, leaning up to steal a kiss from her husband before he rolled off of her. “Hey, it’ll be a few minutes, but when I come back I’m all yours,” she promised. 

 

“I’ll hold you to that.” Cassian said. 

  
  


* * *

Lyra was soon a year old. It had once seemed like something far off and distant to Jyn and Cassian, but there they were, holding their year-old daughter in their arms. Soon she’d be learning how to talk, to run, and so many other things that would go by all too quickly. 

 

Soon there would come a day when Lyra would be too big for Jyn to hold like this, there would be a day where she’d have her own life, and while there was finally peace in the galaxy, Jyn still worried about everything Lyra would do with her life. 

Maybe she’d go off and have a family of her own, hopefully with someone who made her feel as safe and beloved as Cassian made Jyn feel. Someone who would never leave her, though thankfully she’d never have to grow up with the same fears Jyn or Cassian did. 

 

Jyn watched over her as she slept that night, trying to absorb that Lyra had grown so much and would only keep growing for the rest of her life whether Jyn was there or not. She didn’t even hear Cassian come into the room until he placed a hand around her waist and pressed a kiss to her temple.

 

“She’s gotten so big.” Cassian whispered, careful not to disturb their sleeping daughter. 

 

“I just want her to stay small forever.” Jyn mused, realizing she didn’t want her daughter to grow up so quickly, or at all, really. “But I suppose I can’t really stop that.” 

“No,” he agreed, “but she’ll always be our little girl to us.”

 

“Maybe not.” Jyn replied, taking Cassian’s hand and placing it on her abdomen. “I’m pregnant.” 

 

    “You have much better timing with this one than you did with her.” Cassian tried to contain his laughter. “At least I don’t have to worry about you running around a war zone.”

 

“You still have to worry about me running around.” Jyn smirked. “Especially to keep up with this one here.” 

 

Cassian let out a quiet chuckle, Jyn pulled herself close to him to listen to the steady sound and let him hold her close with one hand still on her yet-flat stomach; she had to remember and enjoy being able to move around and keep up with Lyra for as long as she could before the giant swollen stomach would return. 

 

“How do you think I feel?” He gazed at their daughter, “I’m always running around with the both of you. If this one is going to be another girl I don’t know how I’ll keep up.” Cassian said. 

 

“Well, for your sake let’s hope it’s a boy.” Jyn smirked.  

 

“I love you.” Cassian whispered. 

  
“I love you too.” She replied. 


End file.
